


Enemy

by NanakiBH



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Confrontations, Existential Crisis, Internal Conflict, M/M, Self-Reflection, Suggestive Themes, Vignette, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 13:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: They were made to fight.





	Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna write about these two havin' a good time together, but I had to figure out how they would even get along in the first place. So I kinda slapped my keyboard until something came out. ...Maybe they'll get along next time.

The silence was dangerous.

In the silence, many voices reached out toward Arjuna's ears. He couldn't ignore them, their vile words assailing his mind like a shower of arrows.

They bled together and obtained a familiar sound, indistinguishable from the sound of his own voice.

It stayed there with him, clinging to the corners were its arrows stuck. Before he realized, his heart had been pierced through by the sound of his own detestable thoughts. He couldn't remove them without hemorrhaging. If he did that, he knew that he would have been killing himself. The thing at his core would die, and he would cease to be the person he recognized as himself.

It wasn't something that had appeared one day, however. He acknowledged that it had been there as an inextricable part of him for longer than he'd noticed.

 

He only began to notice it once that man appeared.

 

For that, he had many feelings.

Gratitude? Something of the sort.

Thanks to him, he realized who he was. Under that man's light, the story of his life became clear to his memory, repainted in its many dazzling, violent colors. It felt right in the way that becoming whole would. And with that illumination, a deep shadow was cast over him, dyeing his core black.

It didn't matter what other colors he encountered from that moment on. He'd been dyed indelibly. Whatever light remained did not exist to be shared with that person. Whenever he neared him, he felt it getting swallowed up a little bit more. Further arrows pierced him.

 

Arjuna wanted him to suffer, too.

 

That was what his dark voice said. He wanted to see that brilliant man brought down by his hand, torn down from the high place where he'd been lifted by the esteem of others. When they would clash, he was sure that the resultant sparks would light up even his darkest places, even if for but a moment.

But... A moment wasn't enough to satisfy him. He knew so without needing any proof, for his memory ended after that one spectacular moment. The legendary person known as 'Arjuna' became insignificant after that moment's completion.

The dark desire embedded in his heart was the most forbidden of desires. He wanted to kill him and kill him forever, endlessly. If that were impossible, he wished to be trapped in that transcendent moment, experiencing its ecstasy for eternity. But even that was an unrealistic, unreasonable wish. Even at its highest high, he would have been aware of its inevitable descent. There was no bliss so intense as to last forever.

So, without knowing again the taste of that man's death, Arjuna came to already lament the end of him.

It wasn't that he couldn't stand the sight of him. Simply, seeing him filled him with the desire to kill him. He lusted for him, his brother. He wanted to share that most intimate moment with him...

 

In the silence, the dark voice from his heart sounded so tender, its words sweet and appealing. Even if he were aware of the only way in which it could end, he entertained the thought of his desire constantly. When it was just him and the silence, he became intoxicated by the fantasies that filled his head.

He envisioned his hands around his neck.

It was strange. It wasn't like him to indulge in such an unsightly thought. Another arrow would have been simpler, cleaner, prettier...

What he ached for was a victory he could hold in his hands.

 

He wished for a distraction. In such quiet, he had nothing but time. He spent it idly picking at the arrows nailed in his brain to stimulate the old memory. There was only build-up, rising to a peak that never yielded a release. The voice within him didn't have to say a thing. It was already loud enough.

He wanted to release it... To take and let go.

As long as he didn't see him, it was alright. In spite of their past, the current time demanded their cooperation. Their master saw to it that they behaved, but if their master wasn't there, then...

He thought he could be rational, but even the thought of him made his pulse quicken with excitement...

 

So, when he saw him, really, there was nothing he could do.

 

The passageway, from the opposite direction. The space between them lengthened and the world's color dissolved.

There was no hesitation in Arjuna's step. He moved himself forward with his breath held, suppressing the violent voice in his heart. As if his body had been surrendered, he watched with someone else's eyes as his dark figure passed by him, their proximity dangerously close. Even though the other side was within his sight, he knew that he wouldn't make it there.

He needed to breathe.

Their eyes met, and that was enough.

He pulled in a breath and shot out a hand. His fingers found his neck and his fingertips latched on to his pulse. For a moment, he was blinded by the rush of excitement that scorched his rationality. The moment his eyes focused, he realized that he'd acted instinctively, without thought. But he also saw him there in the center of his vision, his back pressed to the wall, and was instantly overwhelmed by that one passionately dark feeling.

His fingers tightened.

 

“Karna...”

 

He could feel the rhythm of his pulse underneath his hand, calm and steady. His eyes, too. He looked as straight-faced as always. Condescending... As if their encounter were just a delay to him.

 

“Stop mocking me. Aren't you scared?”

“Should I be?” he asked.

 

No – rather than condescending, his eyes bore no feeling nor intention at all. They were as clear as a moonlit pond, reflecting and revealing everything without a hint of reservation. Their honesty saw through to everything, touching upon even the dark places. Under the gentleness of such scrutiny, Arjuna felt as though it were his own neck his fingers were wrapped around.

That wasn't enough to make him loosen his grip.

He bit the inside of his cheek and tasted the bitterness of blood. It was unnerving, his stare. Arjuna wanted to challenge it, but there was no challenge to be had. He'd already lost without a fight.

It was with shame that he released him. His wrists stung from the sharpness of the long spikes around Karna's neck.

He hadn't been let go just yet, though. He was still trapped in Karna's gaze.

“Why...? Tell me, Karna, what is it you see?”

He wanted to see himself as clearly as Karna was able to. He refused to admit it aloud, but he was sure that Karna understood as much. It was a frustrating feeling, being unable to understand himself as well as someone else. Especially him.

Karna's eyes narrowed with a feeling Arjuna couldn't distinguish. “Right now, I believe that what I see would be clear to anyone.”

Karna, who had never even learned how to show his emotions, was able to identity and decipher the thoughts and feelings of others at a glance.

Arjuna hated that.

“Are you calling me an idiot?”

“I'm sorry,” Karna apologized sincerely, bowing his head. He closed his eyes, letting him go. When he opened them again, he looked elsewhere and spoke softly, as if musing to himself. “Our thoughts are invisible to others, but there are things that are even invisible to ourselves... I suppose it's only natural that there are things you wouldn't notice.”

He touched his neck gingerly, tracing the edge of his spiked collar. Arjuna found his eyes drawn to his long, delicate fingers and the paleness of his neck. The heat inside of him had already gone cold. The voice in his heart was quiet, and Karna's voice was the only voice he heard.

“You're terrified. That's the feeling I get. You're still wavering, at odds with yourself.”

“I don't require a conviction. I could kill you however I want.”

“Perhaps.”

“Would you not fight me?”

“My life is a thing I value. Of course I would fight you. Even if the conclusion were again decided, I would fight you.”

Arjuna frowned. “That's so boring.” At once honored, he was also terribly disappointed. He didn't want another cowardly, guaranteed victory.

 

He wanted Karna to be afraid.

He didn't want to be the only one.

 

“It is only your pride that keeps you wavering,” Karna said. “You already understand what it is that terrifies you.”

 

It would have been even more quiet without him. That was for sure. Killing him wouldn't appease the darkness in him. Arjuna only wished it were that simple.

 

“I just... want you to stop looking at me that way,” he said, stubbornly trying to keep his eyes on Karna's.

“It's only because I can see you struggling. You're hurting yourself, and it's painful to watch. Would killing me help? If you really believe it would unburden you, I'll fight you right now in a fair match.”

“You bastard. You already know it wouldn't.”

Karna hummed thoughtfully, tapping a finger against his chin. “I don't doubt how serious you are. People are contradictory. You can want to kill me and not want to kill me at the same time. So what is it that makes you want to kill me?”

He simply wanted to.

Because Karna was so overwhelmingly beautiful and beloved, because he was so naturally talented and charming and kind.

But those reasons were terrible, selfish reasons. If he killed him for those reasons, then Arjuna knew that he would have only had regrets. Even the most magnificent victory over him wouldn't have been worth losing Karna's brilliance forever. He already understood how dark and meaningless his world was without him.

Karna was right.

He didn't want to kill him. But, all the same, he wanted to so badly.

“There's a part of me that says I have to. It's destiny, isn't it? Need I more reason than that?”

Karna nodded and rested his arms at his sides. “That would be how the story goes. Haven't you read it? The Mahabharata.”

He was aware of it. It was their tale. Arjuna didn't think he needed to read someone else's interpretation to understand his own life story, though. It was all there in his head, up until his final moment with Karna. After that, the rest didn't matter. The whole thing – his whole life – had been building up and working its way toward that one, single moment.

So that was just how it was. It was only natural that he would want to kill him again, for any reason.

But, standing there in Chaldea's passageway, miles and years away from the life he thought he remembered, he couldn't be sure about that anymore. The present was wrong. It wasn't the same story. Karna's eyes told him so.

In his chest, Arjuna felt something he didn't recognize.

“It was just a story. We were just characters. Even now, maybe,” Karna said.

What he said wasn't anything new, and yet it was still enough to shake the foundation of everything that Arjuna had been tenuously holding on to. He felt sweat peppering the back of his neck as the color that had slowly returned to the world once again faded, leaving him as a spattering of black on a pure white page. It was a hard reality to grapple with, to know that his life and everything he remembered was, from the start, someone else's idea.

 

Why did he want to kill him?

 

He just had to.

 

If he didn't accomplish at least that much, then he wasn't Arjuna.

 

Again, he felt tempted to put his hands around his neck, but the urge was tamed by the gentle face in front of him; Karna's smile, something so rarely seen as to be precious, even to Arjuna.

 

“It hurts to watch you struggling, but even so, I'm glad. Even if you want to kill me, I'm glad that there's a part of you that's struggling to refuse the role that was written for you. I also wish for things to be different.”

“Karna, you're so kind...”

Arjuna couldn't understand him, how someone could be so kind in spite of a cruel life, and then how he could extend that kindness to the person who killed him. It made him angry. That sort of kindness was foolish. It didn't matter how strong his armor was when he wore his heart on his sleeve like that. He was always vulnerable – easy for a coward to kill.

Arjuna knew that he was only jealous.

It didn't take bravery for Karna to be so kind. It didn't take trust. He possessed something even greater than talent and blessings. Karna had a good heart, and that was something Arjuna knew he couldn't snatch with an arrow.

“I don't want to kill you,” he said, tearing the words from the back of his mind. He had to fight himself to say them out loud. His head fell tiredly against Karna's shoulder. “But I'm sure that eventually, I'll start wanting to kill you again. I don't think I can hold it back forever.”

“That's okay.”

“What if this is just another story? Haven't you thought about that? What are we supposed to do if we're just being written again?”

Arjuna heard Karna's smile in his gentle sigh.

“I'll continue to be Karna, and you'll continue to be Arjuna, and if this is just a story, then I'll trust in whoever's hand holds the pen. I don't believe that they would make us repeat what's already been written. Even if those words are still written within you, there's space for more. You're Arjuna, but you have the potential to become a new Arjuna... If that makes sense.”

Arjuna smiled.

It felt nice to smile.

“You're always so optimistic.”

“Hm... Well, there's no way to prove something like that, anyway. So...” Karna gave him a few awkward pats on the back. “'Let's do our best'? ...Sorry. I think I used up all my words.”

Putting a hand against Karna's chest, Arjuna separated them. His hand lingered for a little longer than he intended, however, caught off guard by the warmth in the red jewel under his palm. “Y-You did alright. I think you conveyed your thoughts well enough to live for another day.”

“My thoughts...? I was only stating my observations.” He tilted his head, back to being expressionless. “I'm surprised. Being direct usually backfires on me, especially when engaging with someone who has a volatile personality.”

For the sake of the atmosphere, Arjuna decided to ignore the last part. He didn't want to prove him right.

“Sometimes people need to have obvious things spelled out for them. In that regard, you can be reliable.”

“Oh. You're welcome.”

He hadn't said 'thank you'. But Arjuna was glad that Karna had heard it anyway.


End file.
